Thursday, March 12, 2009

Things that annoys me

First of all; people who were sneakers to a suit. In my book this is the worse sin of all when it comes to fashion and how to behave in public. I do not really care about people wearing jeans to a business meeting or that the girl in the cashier has put on a burka. If you pick your nose in public or play music from your cell phone is fine. But if you walk by me in a black suit wearing a pair of white sneakers there is a possibility that I will try to kill you.

Those repetitive questions. Mostly a women issue, trying to get some kind of confirmation or checking out your attention to details. “Does this dress make me look fat?” Is a normal female question and you want to make the Al Bundy response: “No, the fat makes you look fat”, but you cannot do that, instead you reassure her and maybe even throw in a platitude like “It goes well with your beautiful blue eyes”. Hoping that this will make her more acceptable to that anal penetration you were thinking of while she is changing clothes. “Hun, my eyes are dark brown” – and you are back on earth again. But the point is that she will not ask this question once, not even only twice, but several and after the 7th time you are thinking of killing her.

People who insist on digging holes in their butter. This is a real relationship killer for me. There is two things I have always tried to make clear to every woman I ever dated. One, I love porn and if she cannot stand that, deal or get out. Two, she most never ever ever treat a bucket or a packet of butter like it’s a goldmine; slashing it, hollowing it out and making the butter look like the western front. This is completely unacceptable and if there ever was a get-out-of-jail-card this should be it. “You cut of her arm with a sword and throw her out the window?” –the judge will ask and you answer:”Yeah, she did this with the butter”; and you show the judge and the spectator and they go: “Ahhh…” and you are free to go.

Everyday political correctness. With this I don’t mean being a feminist, wanting to save the poor or some other stupidity like that, no, what I’m talking about is those things or words in society that somehow becomes “bad” and needs to be corrected. I give you example. In Sweden we have an ice-cream called “88”. Have been around for ages, but suddenly some masterful encryption expert figure out that “8” correspond to the letter “H” in the alphabet which means: 88=HH which in turn of cause means “Heil Hitler”. So suddenly the company making this ice-cream, their employees and every store that sells it are racists. Deductive braniac’s like this should be chopped up in little pieces and fed to piranhas.

And here is another group of individuals that need to be massacred by wild dogs; those rapists who targets the elderly. People who for some reason feel the urge to rape old people bugs me like hell. The thing I’m getting at is not the raping, even though horrible in its own right, no what I don’t get is why, when there beautiful 16y olds walking around after dark, you rather go after those tasty 85y olds? This is a complete mystery that has plagued my mind for some time. Is it a fetish thing? It annoys the crap out of me even thinking about it. Can someone please explain this?

And finally I need to mention those complete scumbags that insist on telling you about their toilet business. “I squeezed out a 2ft:er” someone can mention in passing. “I’m having my period right now and happen to pee on my white string. Isn’t it awful when that happens?” a girl explain to a friend so everyone within 28,3 feet can hear her. Maybe I’m a prude but sharing information like this should render a trip to the guillotine.


  1. I won't do that to the butter, but where does the bucket come in? Did I miss something? As your future wife (this is how I like to see myself), I need to be enlightened. x

  2. OK. Got it. Sorry. I'm getting there my love, truly, I am. Give it time. x

  3. No worries, just keep stroking that butter with a gentle touch and we will have a happy life together.