Thursday, March 19, 2009

Fantastic news from the world

In Europe, where manufacturing accounts for nearly a fifth of gross domestic product, industrial production is down 12 percent from a year ago. In Brazil, it has fallen 15 percent; in Taiwan, a staggering 43 percent. In China, which has become the workshop of the world, production growth has slowed, with exports falling more than 25 percent. In the United States, industrial output fell 11 percent in February from a year ago.

Trade is shrinking even faster than production. Germany's exports down are 20 percent from a year ago, Japan's have plunged 46 percent, and in the United States, exports fell at an annualized rate of 23.6 percent in the fourth quarter of 2008.

Japan, among others, is raising fears about growing protectionism. (The only thing missing to make the 20’s come alive again)

A UK government bond auction saw the weakest demand from investors in more than 10 years on Thursday, emphasising the continuing difficulties of debt managers as they attempt to raise money in a stressed financial climate.

German industrial conglomerate ThyssenKrupp plans to cut more than 3,000 jobs or about 1.5 per cent of its total staff amid a slump in demand, the Financial Times reported on Friday.

Chavez again

Dear Hugo,

You have now soon realized every politician’s wet dream; becoming a dictator with people voting for it. Now you have nationalized pretty much everything and can soon go over to the next stage in your masterful ways with more open executions and imprisonments. You have shown us how to trick, manipulate and rule those idiots beneath us. This is a great inspiration to us all and we wish you the very best in the future.

With regards,

United Nations

That morning orgasm

Don’t you just love waking up in the morning and just letting go? Fiddle yourself in appropriate manor together with the rising sun is a great way to start the day. You feel more ready to face the day somehow. Normally I would recommend it no matter what, but suddenly you might press the wrong button and end up seeing Jay Leno and that black president idiot on your screen and then the day is ruined... I just know something bad is going to happen today...

When the shit hits the fan

It is soon going to very bad. However we don’t really know how badly. There are several well known economists, scientists and others that do agree with me to a certain point. Although not really as far as to the apocalyptical scenario I see before us, but many think it’s could be Great Depression bad or worse. When this depression hits us is also a matter for debate. I think we can expect another year or so of decent “normality”. Most of the stupidities that are being put into action today like printing tons of money and increasing national debts with trillions are not going to blossom fully until sometime into the future. So at least a year, probably a couple. But still, to plan and have a contingency plan is prudent at this point and this entry is to guide you to some of the choices you have in front of you.

1. Prepare
Even if I’m totally wrong and all those who thinks about the same as me also is wrong, it never hurt to have some extra candles, dried up food packages and similar items at home. There can always be a black-out, a sudden attack from a foreign nation, riots on the streets or maybe some shortage of things if (when) some businesses go down. So this is a good advice no matter what. Keep some extra things at home.

2. Stockpiling
This is about the same as above, but with a more thought behind it and in bigger amounts. Having food and other things necessary to survive several months might however also be kind of risky. When all those people who didn’t think ahead or if that under-fire government starts searching for alternatives you might be in some danger. So you might also start thinking about moving to a more secure location (see nr 3) and/or getting protection from others (see nr 5)

3. Moving away
Moving should preferably be done before the mayhem starts. Flights might be canceled; boats might be without oil, so you need to think this thru. Also your choice of location is important. You should look for a place where you can grow your own crops and/or having a good food source, like the ocean, nearby. This is how far I have come myself. I’m looking at Islands in the southern Atlantic mainly. Some Island where I can grow bananas and make my own vodka.

4. Becoming a welfare case
This you might consider if you are going to stay where you are. But if (when) riots happens and maybe even wars break out and people are crying for help everywhere, the first thing government is going to do is to cut back on those poorest, oldest and most needy. So if you are considering this option, you should be a minority group and have other attributes to use to your advantage. Being a handicapped single black and Muslim woman with children might do it. But you still need that voice and some power so you can show the rest of the suckers that you are entitled to things first and most. Be careful though, sometimes those mobs and governments needs scapegoat (se nr 7) so prepare to adjust your skin color and such.

5. Become a drug dealer
Being a drug dealer is slightly risky thanks to the government’s laws, but also, again thanks to the government, its great pay! And people feeling miserable will need their fix. The only thing to really look out for is other drug dealers. Try to solve this problem by forming a union you can call ‘Cosa Nostra’ or whatever comes to mind. To seek out allies (se nr 1) might also be in your favor.

6. Become a prostitute

The world’s oldest profession is normally not that sensitive for depressions. Sure you might need to lower your standards and charge less, but even in worst times people will be paying for sex. And if you are an adolescence, hey! Great! This might actually be your best choice. And keep a eye on those in nr 7, often closely linked to prostitutes and if you snatch them before they get power; oh mama.

7. Become a politician
Joining politics should be done before the depression. Not completely necessary, but it is good to say: “I told you so”. Helps your credibility when you are pointing a finger at those Jews, Muslims or rich people you have targeted as your particular scapegoat. As long as you can blame someone and deliver a nice sounding solution that is easy to sell, you will be fine. With a bit of luck you might even end up as Fürer and can then have a blast.

So make your choices and please remember to at least buy some extra supplies. As I said, I might be a fruitcake and having wrong about everything, but those extra things are in handy for several good reasons.

Global warming cause’s rainfall

During a huge gathering today with hundreds of scientists, politicians and journalists some chocking news was revealed. Global warming might be responsible for some rainfall. One prominent scientist was quoted saying: “Rain is a horrible thing; it causes floods and is also the main ingredient in several toxins like alcohol and coffee”. A politician, who wants to remain anonyms, explained to some reporters that he never knew how many people actually drowns each year and that something has to be done.

The government have scheduled a press conference tomorrow morning were they are expected to announce a hard-line policy against this menace with higher taxes and even banning of several products containing water. The science community however doesn’t seem to think those kinds of actions is the only way to go. Instead they are calling for further study and that the government needs to add billions for research.
A former Nobel Prize winner leaving the scene pronounced: “I hope we don’t find out that more weather phenomenon can be affected by global warming, if it is it would be disaster for life as we know it”.

Outside protesters screaming for blood happen to spot a scientist that coming out of the assembly hall not wearing an anti-water pin and immediately attacked him. The police managed to break him free accept from a woman wearing clothes made up of dried up leafs that was shouting “murderer”. Apparently her cat had died last week while her owner tried to teach her how to swim.

Lady and the chimp

George W Bush was in several aspects a complete disaster at the white house but I actually never did see his wife. She is now writing a book but I thought it was kind of strange I never did see that woman during those 8 years of monkey business. Well I am European and Swedish, so we don’t get that many pictures of other countries rulers, but still. I can remember every president’s wife since Reagan, but not this one. The book is going to about the extraordinary events and people she met during her years at the white house and I’m actually going to buy that one, or maybe download it from Piratebay if it can be done. It might contain some stuff about that guy with the funny laugh she apparently is married to. And don’t we actually miss this guy? Okay he was a disaster, but check out what kind of prick they have now. I guess it’s true what they say, it can always get worse.

How we can defeat the recession

I was sitting at work today and then, out of nowhere, it hit me. A new fantastic way of solving the current recession! I don’t know if I’m the first one to think about this, but so far not one single government on this earth have made proper use of it, so I know I need to be among the first. The solution is as simple as it is brilliant, we tax air! Everyone from babies to old folks needs to breathe so no one can claim they don’t own lungs or anything like that. With a simple calculator we can formulate a list according to weight and age and then tax accordingly.

And to regulate this we also need a new department we can call Department of Inhalation Control (DIC). To this we also need a new scientific authority measuring the pureness, toxins and so forth in the air we breathe. This authority we can call: Research Air Pureness in the Environment (RAPE). And DIC together with RAPE would generate many new jobs. But it doesn’t stop there. If we do this I think we will see lots of new businesses showing up everywhere from whom you can buy cool fresh air from the mountains of Norway or tax-free Air from China at airports. Creating thousands of jobs all over the world. This could be the final solution. I have started sending out some mail to politicians but so far none of them have come back to me. I wonder if they are going to steal my idea and sell it as their own?