Sunday, September 26, 2010

What really frightens me

I come in peace

Honestly very few things get my fight or flight reaction going. I’ve seen too much and experienced so much crap in the game of life. Also I am a deeply rational and very cynical individual and all this in combination have made me into a person who psychologists probably would diagnose to have deep emotional problems.

Now, this isn’t as bad as it sounds, and I believe that psychology is crap for the most part anyway. Actually it is a good ability to have because it means I don’t get fooled by any charlatan with a bag of tricks and I can easily discard any sort of “reptiles walk among us” idiocy. I believe in science and I believe in a rational thought process. I also think this ‘ability’ can come in handy if I ever would be subjected to torture.

Death doesn’t scare me, consequently hardly anything worries me. I don’t go around thinking about things I cannot affect such as a sudden reversal of the magnetic poles or the potentiality of an asteroid hitting my car.

However there are things that do attract my attention and disturb me a little bit.

For example I get a shill in my rectum when hearing certain leaders of men talk about the scam of Manmade Global Warming. It is not really the actual scam that makes my sphincter pucker; no it is that there are actually people out there believing in it. And there are a lot of those asylum run-away’s out there, they are probably a vast majority.

I learned today that people exist in Sweden who has a special poop-bag next to the toilet. They also have a net, about the same sort of net you catch butterflies with. Apparently certain families scoop up the poop, puts it in the poop-bag, wipes themselves and then puts the paper in the wastebasket. (Makes you wonder why they have toilet in the first place.) They do this in order to Save the environment! This scares me more than any horror movie. An apocalyptic nuke-scenario cannot hold a candle to scooping-up-poop-families as far as I am concerned.

That animals’ now have court-appointed lawyers in Switzerland is also frightening. Get you to wonder what a hawk’s defense will sound like. “My client is innocent. That dove was clearly eaten by another animal”.

And then we have the newly appointed United Nations space ambassador. Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist who is set to be tasked with co-ordinating humanity’s response if and when extraterrestrials make contact. This appointment in itself is a clear sign that if ever space creatures wander the Earth's landscape in search of intelligent life; it is such a scarce resource that any Alien will certainly leave or blow up the planet to make an intergalactic highway. But do you know what kind of freaks me out? Look at her name. Mazlan Othman… M. Othman… Mothman!

Then we have the super virus Stuxnet. Apparently it is a powerful computer code attacking industrial facilities around the world, but mainly in Iran (they say in passing), that probably was created by experts working for a country or a well-funded private group, according to an analysis by a leading computer security company. It seems that no-one knows where it came from. It’s a complete unknown thing for everyone and experts are called out - paid for by the tax payer - from every dark corner to have meetings over this mystery and mumble that they don’t know.

Now this is frightening stuff.

It is a real brainteaser isn’t it? Who could it be? I am certainly gnawing on my hands in suspense over this one.

200 000 years of evolution and this level of intellect is what we have to show for it? Kind of scary if you ask me.

Like Batman who managed to avoid being frozen to death in a giant ice cream cone thanks to his "bat-thermal underwear" I do have an out. I laugh. Sometimes hysterically and not very convincing, but laughter is nevertheless a way to cope with the madness.

Personally I can’t wait to be abducted. This planet has gone absolutely nuts. So if there are any extraterrestrials out there, please do whatever you want with my anus and brain. Just take me the hell away from this fucked up rock. And if you blow it up and force me to watch I will promise to try to hide that smirk.

Beam me up Mrs Othman

Newt! I work for the UN, you are safe now...

I guess they are running out of ways to spend our money. At least that’s the first thing that came to my mind when reading this.

A space ambassador could be appointed by the United Nations to act as the first point of contact for aliens trying to communicate with Earth. Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist, is set to be tasked with co-ordinating humanity’s response if and when extraterrestrials make contact. Aliens who landed on earth and asked: “Take me to your leader” would be directed to Mrs Othman.

This would be sort of funny if it wasn’t for the fact that they are serious about it.

But okay, let’s assume for a moment that this post is relevant and necessary. It could happen you know, the chance that a intelligent Alien stops by or send us a message is about one in a billion, but still, it’s not totally unthinkable either.

However, if so is really an astrophysicist the best choice? Wouldn’t an anthropologist or, if we are to believe what most ‘experts’ seem to think is the most likely Aliens we’ll encounter, an entomologist a much better choice? Or why not the trickiest, most scheming no-good lying cheating bastard of politics? It seems to me that a thieving bureaucrat or a devious diplomat would be better suited.

I mean we are talking about extraterrestrials. What good is an astrophysicist if we are to talk with them, make deals, plead for our lives or trade gold for hyper drives? Sure she might be able to point towards their home in the stars or have a basic understanding of some of their math or gadgets, but that’s pretty much it.

Are we seriously going to put the faith of this planet and everyone on it in the hands of an astrophysicist working for the UN? We can just as well give up and volunteer for slavery and/or deliberately jump up on the dinner table to be nibble on.

Even scarier it becomes when you read:

“When we do, we should have in place a coordinated response that takes into account all the sensitivities related to the subject. The UN is a ready-made mechanism for such coordination.”

Really? So a totally corrupt organization that is practically run by dictators and soul-sucking diplomats, a organization hell-bent on increasing protectionism and imposing socialist guidelines to third world countries already have a ready-made mechanism in case ET stops by?

If there was any doubt before I can now say with the outmost confidence that we are truly, utterly, completely and royally fucked.