Wednesday, March 4, 2009

You are going to die! Part XV

I have already written about the most common ways to get killed, by the government or through religion. I have also mentioned lots of other stuff that might kill you, but one thing has so far eluded me. Well I have even mentioned it, but still it wasn’t really on my mind. This is also one of the most common ones to make you into worm food, namely “old age”. For those of you who are “lucky” enough to live in a country or in a time when your own politician isn’t actively trying to kill you and religion isn’t really the hip thing to believe in, old age is actually the most likely way to go. As long as there are no huge plagues hitting us that is. I also believe that the main reasons why I hardly even thought about this before now is because none of us wants to think about it. I mean suddenly we cannot run, jump, fight or drink as much as before. Our eyesight becomes terrible, we cannot hear what our grandchildren are saying (thank God) and we need to get up to the toilet 5 times each night. And then it only gets worse and then you die. Not really a good notion now is it?

We all know we are going away and somewhere inside we actually know we are going to die, but growing old? No way! Women are most firm and loveable around 15-16 years old, they are sexiest around 18-25 and then it just goes downhill. Women instead develop saggy tits, stretch marks, bad teeth, floppy arms and increasing bitterness over losing their beauty so they complain and become outraged over those porno’s and belly buttons they too would love to have been a part of if they were younger. And men are not a bit better. We keep watching football, playing videogames, drinking beer and watching those 15-16 year olds like we never got older. We get to be sick miserable old bastards that cannot look at a fountain without pissing and wants to drive a Ferrari even if we cannot see the road in front of us. We lose our hair, our muscles and our sexdrive but we still pretend like we are the hunk of the Mediterranean.

But the funny part of dying old isn’t the idiocy of operations, none aging pills or some other crap we believe in. No the fun part is to be so old you need a nurse to change your diapers and some young woman – who you really want to fuck - is cleaning your scrotum and you cannot even get a stiffy. Your loved one has abandoned you accept on Christmas when you get a “get well card”. No one needs you or wants to be around you except other old farts who want to learn how to play Chess. This is it the time when you wish that your politician had been a communist idiot who would have killed you before. This is the time when you don’t even have the money or strength to buy PCP and go nuts one last time. You are just withering away, one old person among millions, soon to be forgotten. And then what do you do? Well most old idiots turn to the thing that really is going to kill you, religion. Others just rot away slowly. Either way isn’t death fun?

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