Saturday, July 3, 2010

Golf – a sex metaphor

Where do you want us to stick this?

Were out playing some miniature golf today and as always I start thinking about the sticks, hitting balls and those tiny holes the balls are supposed to penetrate. Then, of course, you pick up the ball and start over again - swinging the stick trying to score.

You also have wet and sandy obstacles you’re supposed to avoid, but inevitably one or two balls end up there getting (evidently) wet and sandy in the process. There are also bushes, some trimmed, some not.

The main theme of this particular miniature golf course(s) seemed to be the sea. It is located in a small harbor, it had anchors and such attached the holes. And the sea is travelled by seaman…

I cannot be the only one seeing the obvious point and history behind this sport?

According to the most widely accepted account the modern game originated in Scotland around the 12th century, with shepherds knocking stones into rabbit holes on the current site of the Old Course at St Andrews. Although the origin of golf is debatable (I lean towards the Roman explanation myself) the Scots seem to have invented the more modern style of play. And as we all know there’s not much to do in rainy Scotland except waging war, getting drunk and copulation. So if the wives are pissed with the men fighting and drinking all the time, what to do for the men but invent the perfect metaphor for sexual intercourse? And so Golf is played on "courses”…

And in the absence of female companionship we don’t need geniuses to explain why golfers use many types of clubs, attempt to hit balls into each hole on a golf course while employing the fewest number of strokes.

Although, it seem kind of contrary don’t it? “The fewest number of strokes”… shouldn’t it actually be the “most strokes”? I mean if you need the practice or want to go home and please the misses to show her what she’s turning away, isn’t more strokes the way to go? Or is this why those bagpipes came into play?

Anyway, ending up last behind two females in today’s game I sort of conjured up pride from this thought process. Apparently I need many strokes… On the other hand, I had problems finding the holes…

Is this why lesser strokes during your time on the course is a good thing? Finding the right hole with few tries?

What if I don’t wanna find the “right” hole?

Golf is a stupid game and women shouldn’t play it…

What if women had invented it? Would it then been more like throwing rings over a post? Whatever your take I am thinking it would have been more violent. Imagine sex deprived loony Scottish women pissed at their men creating a game. It wouldn’t be a pretty sight… But at least then the headline news wouldn’t be Tiger banging hookers while the useless idiots of the press ignores that the world is going down the crapper with financial Armageddon lurking behind the corner.