Thursday, July 14, 2011

Regulations that should be imposed in order to save children

Have you ever noticed, as a man, how a urinal has its own rules? Without any written code and lacking handed down decrees men, of all ages, automatically know how to behave (with a few drugged-up exceptions).

For example we don´t look at the other guy´s penis. Maybe with the exception that something so huge is there that the corner of your eye cannot help noticing the enormity of it. Casting a glance over in such a case is still morally dubious, but mostly acceptable.

And When you walk into a urinal and one guy stands at the far end out of 5 urinals and the others are not in use, then you don´t walk up and stand in the one next to the occupied one. In fact every step closer from the other far end can be construed as an act of gay aggression.

This unregulated anarchy obviously need to be stopped.

I propose that government(s) should immediately recognize this problem and first off regulate the size, smell and flushiness of all urinals. This is to not have a discriminative situation against dwarfs, tall people, those with big and small dicks, children and so on. Secondly each urinal should be closed in so no unwanted “sneak-peak” of genitalia can happen. If not closed in at least a line on the floor to mark each person’s space, as around ATM machines. Thirdly only government approved music should be played – preferably containing subliminal messages about the dangers of second-hand consumption of salt and water.

Another unregulated part of life is that of breastfeeding. Sure there have been a few “none-boobs”-regulations and a few stores, public places and companies seem to have come out against having women flaunting their breasts in public, but so far we haven’t really seen a proper government education on “how to”.

Should you use one breast more than the other? Haven´t scientific research been done, government sponsored of course, that favour the left breast over the right? If not, there should be! And is there a statue of limitation on the amount of sucking? Is it better to sit down or stand up?

Why do we let women figure this out for themselves!?

That we still haven´t passed a proper law in this area is beyond me. Hundreds of thousands of years letting females handle this on their own, handing down knowledge over generations without supervision and letting nature have its course without proper official training, and we have chaos.

Anarchy no! Women breasts supervised and scrutinized by government yes!

There are also a lot of areas sort of regulated but not their fullest extent. Like biking. Sure a bike is checked, double-checked and built with government approval, and biking comes with from above given responsibilities, but what about the amount of pedalling? How much is good and how much is bad? Going downhill for example can be dangerous so what is the best speed to keep in order to avoid a broken pelvis? We also have air-pressure in tires, the actual weight of the bike and the softness of the sitting pad that should be regulated. And aren´t there too many different sorts of bikes? I mean lots of choices, colours and such crap. Here The Powers can do much in the name of humanity and children everywhere.

Breathing is another whammy lacking authorial directives. Not breathing in general - too hard to regulate with today’s technology level – but rather breathing in confined spaces such as offices, bedrooms and the toilet. The highly dangerous gas CO2, proven to cause hallucinations and even death among humans, should of course be measured and controlled. Perhaps some sort of breathing apparatus, of course approved by several government agencies, would be sufficient? And heavy breathing from physical activity should probably be banned all together or, at the very least, be approved beforehand by government (which may solve our biking problem as well as minimizing the number of tiny breast suckers).

These are only a few of the areas I see as in unregulated disarray, but there are many more.

And before you start thinking I am a tad ironic, that is not true. I just recognize a few underdeveloped areas whereas, sooner or later, government(s) will pounce down and so I want to be a good little citizen pointing out that am onboard with such asylum thinking. Also I believe that we actually need to reach absolute bottom before a handful of survivors can claw their way up from the abyss and so I will of course help out in destroying this world as much as I can, if not only for a laugh.

Finally when (not: if) your local official proclaim that breathing should be controlled, that women need a breast-agency with government trained controllers and that urinals should come with government approval stamps and government endorsed music, I can again say those hilarious words I´ve been saying a lot lately comes looking at how the Greatest Depression is unfolding: