Featuring amazing gangsta performers from across the country, our shows feature family entertainment such as starvation, bureaucratic thievery, and death all around that's more than music to your ears. Don't miss any performances by planning your visit using our online chat program run by 6-8y old prostitutes. All for your convenience!
Over 30 Rides For All Ages!
Haiti features over 30 rides for all ages and thrill seekers, including our latest world class hurricane coaster! Nowhere else can you find the variety of ways of get screwed, robbed, killed or starve like on our beautiful island. Our popular coaster S.E.X - PROWLER for the family is great fun. See your kids go into frenzy and then disappear into a tunnel and never come out again.** Plus, little ones have an entire section of the island to themselves in Camp Diphtheria, your chance to meet all the diseases that comes from famine!
Flip, turn, launch, and spin with these pulse-pounding scream machines; Land-slide mayhem! Machete decapitation! Earthquake rumble! Hideous the Cannibal! Prostitution alley! Nefarious electric shocks! And our latest island favorite; The abominable Hurricane!***
Amusement park classics rides and gang related shootings the whole family can enjoy.****
Rides for the thrill seeker in training! We go all in to keep you hopping and guessing what torture that will befall your toddlers next.
*All of it comes complementary with socialist planning of the economy, no protection of private property, war-lords running the show and continuous foreign aid tunneled into the pockets of the ruling elite.
** Haiti is taking charge in the Caribbean and is providing more underage sex-slaves than Cuba
***Haiti’s latest sure way of getting killed. Our island has been given billions in aid, we had Former president W-Chimp and Georgi Cunt’on to help us but still about a million inhabitants live in tents! Oh fun fun fun!
**** We make damn sure you’re not armed. Only our local thugs and mafia is allowed guns so they can do whatever they want.