Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The most hideous red wine ever

I was actually planning on getting a bit drunk tonight, so after a hard day with work paperwork, bank appointments and so on; I go by the store at the corner and picked me up six bears and a bottle of red wine (Yeah, workday tomorrow, shouldn’t overdo it). The beer, Grolsch, was kind of bad, not terrible, but definitely not very pleasant either. But together with some toast and while watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer, they went down. So then came the moment I actually had been waiting for all day, some nice good red wine. I do love red wine. Even though I actually prefer vodka, at least for the drunkenness but red wine is absolutely great and until this day I hardly thought you could go wrong buying a bottle. Sure there are better ones and worse ones, but still red wine usually is like heaven in my body. And stupid as I am, I hardly looked what it was when I bought it, were too eager I suppose. So there I’m sitting, a newly open bottle in front of me, reading a text message from a beautiful lady. I pour the wine in a glass, wondering if I should write back, but I decided not to. Wasn’t really one of those messages you answer to. So then I started to flip around Internet for some disaster to read about to enhance the experience of the wine, but didn’t really find anything. Too few wars in the world. Anyway, I get to Facebook and unsuspectingly moved the glass closer to my mouth and while I’m checking what my friends been up to I start to drink…

- Here I need to tell you about the puddle of manure that someone has puked in and some Santa Claus looking fellow have rolled over and died in. This puddle then gets sucked up by a dirty sponge that is normally used for scrubbing old ladies at the old folk’s home. This sponge then gets squeezed dry by Bubba (doing 4 years for 67 murders), at the local prison, over his latest rape victim, mixing with blood and other fluids while Bubba’s friend Charles (doing 65 years for missing to fill in a tax form) is collecting the drops with his mouth. Charles then vomits down a bucket that is collected as evidence subjected to many lab tests and different chemicals. One of the scientists however gets a brainy idea and pours the fluids down a wine bottle and sells it overseas were I happen to buy it. -

… and that ladies and gentlemen is how one can get off the souse. I have been drunk so many times, falling down ditches, wischwoshing across the road on my way home promising never to drink again. But I always drink again. After this experience however, I will actually consider keeping myself to lemonade.

The wine? It’s a Shiraz from California called “Gallo” – from the Gallo family.

No comments:

Post a Comment