Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I have warned you

I have told you about them before, those sneaky animals that are out to get us. Most people, despite their, for the most part, inactive brains, know to look out for poisonous snakes and not even dim-witted Christian Democrats do walk over to a lion on the savanna and start scratching behind its ears. But still we don’t learn. It isn’t the obvious dangers we need to look out for, it’s those devious ones that look cute and adorable when we watch them and when we look away they jump us from behind and eat our flesh. Kangaroos, which I have pointed out before, are one of these animals. They attack us during weekends and have even been known to gather in mobs to attack humans. Those cuddly Panda Bears can rip your arms out and nibble on your inners if you get to close to them. Wolf’s, that many think is cute and we should preserve, hunt and kill our livestock and it has happen before and it will happen again that they grab themselves a helpless hunter to eat. Polar Bears that seem to be those chronically depressive environmentalists favorite animal to save, actually actively hunt and kill us. Killer Whales, Dingoes, pink dolphins we can also add to the list. And now we learn that chimpanzees actually plan and plot their attacks, even on us humans. Is anyone surprised by this fact? How can you go around oblivious about what’s going on around you? I say, let’s make coats and rugs out of them! I want one of those homicidal Panda Bears shot, stuffed and mounted on my wall. And every one of these man-haters should be rendered extinct. And if one of those environmentalists’ animal lovers happens to end up in the scope of your rifle, well… you know what to do…

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