Out running

Went for a jog this morning. I am starting to get that breathing going and my knees seem to hold, however, that’s not really the story.

Firstly you gotto know I do run with my MP3 on high volume and this is ancient wilderness, way out there were no-one except hunters and the occasional bear or wolf running past you.

Anyway, about 5min into my exercise I suddenly felt pain down by my ankle and for some reason two bees found it amusing sacrificing their lives to puncture two holes in my body. Two nice little holes conveniently apart down by my ankle. It looked like Ashley Greene (I wish) has nibbled on my feet. A couple of other bees I found attached to my shirt probably not able to penetrate it into my skin. But I did get stung in the back a couple of times so at least some poison was running through my veins.

I did keep running along though. Wouldn’t let any minor suicide insects ruin my road to lesser fat around the waist. Sadly I should have because just around the bend I stumbled upon a man and his dog. They were trapped in some kind of play with the man holding the dog from behind in a compromising position and for a moment it looked… suspicious… Even more interesting the man was a splitting image of the now resigned Swedish Minister of Labor. You know, the guy with the pants-problem, the one making the best out of immoral liaisons, he who exchanged both wife and a ‘hands-on’ approach for hookers. But then I remembered that his clientele is of the younger sort and as far as I know dogs never entered into the picture. And what would that criminal doing way out in the wilderness anyway?

That shock came and went pretty fast but it still got my heart pumping an extra beat so when a couple of mountain bikers swooshed by me moments later the heart attack cannot have been far away.

As I said, this is nowhere. Normally it is far more likely literally bumping into a moose than seeing a person. But for some reason this day the road was littered with them. People that is…

Standing there feeling like I’ve just run a marathon instead of just ten minutes I suddenly see some woman shaped objects up ahead. Two or three of them it seemed. Any man that has ever been running would admit - under torture - that during such a workout he will always run faster, longer, with a straighter back and try to look as comfortable as possible whenever encountering a female. It never fails. Heart failure be damned.

Doing so this time could very well have led to my undoing. You see it wasn’t three females, not even two of them. Only one. She was female I do think, however the ripple effects on her body from each step she took made her look strangely blobish. I was like seeing a huge ball of fat forcing its way through the forest. A hideous force of nature that wouldn’t (couldn’t) stop for anything.

At this point I had two main concerns. First, get the hell out of the way. If ever getting caught in front of or in the wake of such a beast – that’s it. No coming back. Secondly, something was seriously wrong with me. Sure it’s very hot and humid, I got poison in me and I just got scared by mountain bikers and a “sex-crazed minister”, but come on. How did I turn one toddling obese Medusa into three lush hot running females!?

To be fair seeing a zeppelin that should be hovering over a stadium walking in the forest were no-one normally goes is a complete mystery in itself, but that doesn’t explain my mirage.

I think I will blame another woman. I’m starting to see females again (been totally uninterested for years) and the only reason I can think of is that this particular one have come into my life again. Nothing else has changed. Not that there’s something going on or anything, but sometimes one incredibly beautiful woman can, only by existing, make your senses come alive again. Standing there thinking that I’ve figured it out I almost forgot to sidestep and jump far into the bushes, but I did survive, evidently. However, the run was ruined. I’ll take another one tomorrow instead…