Monday, July 13, 2009

You are going to die! Part XXVII

Drowning is a fun way of going out, don’t you think? Just gobbling on some water, stretch out your hand (preferably above the surface) in a “desperate” gesture and sink towards the bottom. And just like that boy wonder in the Titanic movie you might have the luck of saying goodbye to some sexy beauty before you get eaten by fish. I have also heard that drowning is supposed to be an “easy” way of dying, not so painful, just some panic for a minute or so, depending on your lung capacity. Not really sure how people know this, but I find it kind of comforting.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, in 2005, the United States experienced an average of ten drowning deaths per day (3,582) with an additional 710 people dying from drowning and other causes in boating-related accidents. In Sweden, according to the Swedish life saving society, between 100-135 people drown each year and most of those are men and for some reason half of those males dies with the zipper in their pants wide open. Go figure. The statistic shows about the same ratio of drowning deaths each year and the percentage is about the same in most countries. I have mentioned water before as a main killer of humans and water is also one main feature in our houses (the worst place that exist!) which leads to electrocutions, slipping in the shower and other hilarious events. But drowning deserves its own posting, not only because it kills tens of thousands of people each year (much worse then 25 outbreaks of the Piggy Flu!), but also because drowning is neglected area that is not very restricted. In a world were politicians all need to show how much they care about their constituency, it is kind of strange that no one has picked up this as a general phenomenon. Sure some politicians want us to learn how to swim and consequently steal our money to pay some teacher that can learn us this arduous skill, and sure some politicians might appear in the news after some boat has sunk to tell us how sorry he/she is and that the government will do everything in its power (including stealing more money) to get to the bottom of that disaster, but drowning in general is an overlooked issue. Why isn’t there taxation on bathing for instance? How come there is no law against lazing around in the bathtub? Shouldn’t there be a law forbidding us getting to close to water? And where are the anti-water organizations? I want demonstrations against this dreaded fiend God damn it!

Also, it has to be mentioned, some assassins use water as a way of covering up their crimes. Did Mrs Marshal, your neighbour, really drown by herself or was it her daughter going after that elusive inheritance? The old hag refused to die for so long, why should she suddenly croc in the bathtub? These sorts of questions should be asked and please do me a favour, the next time you go near water or drink a glass, please reconsider, it might just be what it wants!

In Sweden, a country that rarely experience any kind of disasters (there is no volcanoes, hurricanes or earthquakes destroying Swedish cities), there is today flooding going on in some parts. Journalists, hardly having anything to write during the summer and sensationalists as they all are, smell headlines and presto those “flood-waves” are threatening some crops. Oh, no… They might burst thru a dam! Oh Jesus! And so it goes on. The rain seems to keep falling, water keep threatening cities, umbrellas are selling out and some poor people have water in their living room. How will my birth nation ever recuperate from this massive disaster? I’m just waiting for some tree hugger claiming this is the effects of man-made global warming and I would be very surprised if the news is free from “scientists” claiming polar bears are going extinct and that this is Sweden’s fault. Humans are so funny.

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