The flu poll

what will kill us by the millions next time?

Since we all know that everything dangerous and horrific comes from things that have animal names, I thought it time to have a little opinion thingy again. Those deadliest of all diseases; Bird-flu and the main assassin of humans; Swine-flue, have been roaming the world killing everything in sight, but it is time to clear our heads and prepare for the next one. Talking to a working buddy he suggested that the next one will be something like Alligator-flu or maybe Tyrannosaurs-flu, striking fear even by its name. I’m not inclined to agree with this. I think it will be something completely opposite. The cuddliest and friendliest of all creatures as a bearer of a killer-plague would strike fear in even the hardest of football hooligans. Just think about it; Koala-flu! How horrific wouldn’t that be? Or kitten-flu!? If the cutest little thing can conjure up a virus capable of slaughtering millions of babies and strike fear in the hearts of every man, how safe are we then? We might even die some day!

This my four main choices for our appending doom:

1 Bunny-flu

This has nothing to do with playboy. Instead a virus having this animal attached to it would be the cause of the ultimate decline in carrot sales. The word ‘bunny’ would be transformed into a profanity hurled at any politician raising taxes or be a curse word used to describe anything murderess. Might even leave a mark in the law? “The Bunny crime” – when a young girl in pigtails poisons her elderly lover.


2. Polar Bear flu

Environmentalists would love this name and if I were to put money on one of these suggestions, this would be it. Nature strikes back! Sure those carnivorous Polar-Bears we should exterminate are not really that cute. But they are fluffy and cuddly. Let’s face it, who wouldn’t wanna have one of these at home that you can curl up in and just feel warm and fuzzy? And as implied, this would have a double effect. Not only are these creatures really fuzzy wuzzy, they also – with their increasing numbers – stand for extinction by man-made global warming! I mean, come on, does it get better than that? Journalists would sell papers like never before.


3. Cutest ever thingy - flu

I have no idea what this is, but I think I never seen anything so endearing and cute. AWWWWW! It is so adorable you feel an uncontrollable urge to protect it and save it from everything in this world. To hold this in your arms and feel its tiny heart beating would be a religious experience. This of course means this is one of the most evil kingpins ever seen. We should exterminate them immediately before these horrendous things throws its virus infested claws into our helpless bodies and turns all of us into decaying corpses.


4. Puppy-flu

Also known as the Doggy-flu (not to be confused with doggy- style), this disease would change the world forever. Since man started to intrigue how to best steal the neighbors crops this fantastic animal have followed us willingly and been one of the best companions we could ever wish for. How many of us haven’t felt a friendship and close bound with one of these animals even matching that you feel towards a child or a close relative? This is truly one of my worst nightmares; waking up in a world where cute puppies and dogs (that are everywhere!) is knocking us of one by one at a speed not even matched by communist regimes. There is not much in this world that really frightens me, but this is absolutely one of them.