The joy of masturbation

As most of my friends know I’m kind of a sexoholic, not really when it comes to the act itself, that’s kind of boring, but rather the notion of sex. I already have had my share of sexual encounters, and then some. Tried pretty much everything except that feces thing which even a depraved sicko like me find kind of distasteful. I don’t want to brag and I certainly don’t want to put of some potential female companions of the future (for some reason females don’t like it when we men have had lots of sex) by telling you numbers or go into details, but as said, I have had my fair share. But do you know what I find being the best kind of sex? Masturbation. This because of three simple facts:

1) You can fantasias about anything and make it great. Most things that porno’s and those idiots that like to brag about sex tells you is fantastic, isn’t. Threesomes and groupsex for instance is just a mess. No one knows what to do with whom; there are always problems with holes, changing of condoms and people getting orgasms at different times. Do you know how boring it is to ejaculate and then “help out” others to do their thing? There are exceptions of course, but generally speaking it doesn’t work out. If you take matters into your own hands and fantasize about those things however it is great!

2) You don’t need to worry about things like pregnancies or diseases or even how (or when) to find a mate to do the nasty with. These reasons should have many religious groups praying to the masturbation God, but of course not.

3) You don’t need to worry about your appearance; dick size or that one breast is bigger than the other one. You can be fat, thin, ugly or having burn marks all over your body, but the only one there is you. So you don’t need to think about those annoying stretch marks or that your dick is slightly bent to the left, you can just focus on your particular fantasy and go nuts. And there is also many things people don’t talk about that do happen all the time and those you can avoid by your lonesome. Like those pussy farts or that the girl suddenly gets her period and bleeds all over. Getting shit on your penis from that anal penetration or getting a cramp in your leg just when you are getting to the most fun part. Falling down from the bed and breaking a finger or maybe just getting into bed with someone that is not compatible with you and you just wanna yawn and sleep. All this you can avoid by doing yourself.

So do take my advice people, even if you sometimes happen to get it right and end up in bed with someone that really rocks your world, masturbation is the way to go. Just keep in mind that sperm stains and your apparatus of choice might impose on your interaction with others. Even if everyone does it, it’s still kind of rude to let people end up in your chair that has suspect stains or in a living room with a soaked dildo on the table.