Monday, June 27, 2011

Scented toilet paper

Don´t pay any attention to the man defecating behind the curtain!

Been out on a shopping spree lately. Bought, for example, a new computer so am back in the game and finally blogging will pick up speed again. Sorry for being absent, I know many of you rely on my wisdom in order to breath and chew at the same time.

Anyhow I picked up another item hard to live without this weekend: toilet paper.

Since I do live in a country with a language impossible to understand I sometimes do shopping simply based on hunches. Most of the time it works. The colouring is usually about the same on groceries across the world and certain words are similar and it’s not like you´ll find frozen yoghurt next to snickers or cucumbers next to cigarettes (although...). So mostly this is not really a problem. My latest purchased paper to be used for that unmentionable number two is worth mentioning though because it was apparently scented... something I noticed during a certain activity...

My first reaction was: why? Why would anyone want scented toilet paper?

This just has to be an American invention was my second thought.

And does scented toilet paper make your butt smell better? And if so, do hookers use it? My mind begun to marvel at and around this discovered scented universe.

Sitting in the bathroom trying to figure out whether I should use my newly bought paper or not, I realised something – this is the perfect metaphor for how the world economy works!

The world is in a smelly situation sprinkled with crap coming out from the orifices of politics and central banks. We have a world desperately clinging on to sidebars trying to (but mostly not wanting to) cleanse the body while trying to not have an aneurism. The news could just as easily be written by, read by and investigated by feces throwing chimps since all that is reported is smelly heaps passed down from above in order to lure the populace that all is well in the sewer. There are no crocodiles, no smell to speak of, no elected rats crawling around, no cracks in the foundation, and paper floating down there is definitely money since that have been decided by those deemed better. The sewer was in trouble 2007-2008, but now all is great again. Well, PIGS don´t know how to flush but let’s not dwell...

We´ve been saved by scented paper with numbers on them spread around by central banks. This is what we´ve been told, this is what our masters want us to believe, and this is the current path we´re on. Print more scented paper and save the economy. What can go wrong?

Of course, just as in my case, scented paper is just a mirage, a trick to make you feel slightly better. Do you really think that scented paper will make your sphincter more appealing? I mean smellwise - It will always look like crap. And do you really think that freshly printed notes from the central bank can cover up the dung pile earlier printed paper have created?

As a man fairly interested in anal adventures I can tell you that a shower, clean underwear and scented lubrication are by far better comes to smell (and taste) than any toilet paper.

And just as there´s actually a real way to smell better around the ca-ca hole, there is also a way to actually solve our financial dilemma. Sadly most people have no clue about the reality of their butts or the reality of economics. As you idiots keep buying unnecessary things like scented toilet paper, you will also keep buying what you´re told from the Powers That Be.

Eventually though, sooner rather than later, someone putting their lips gently up towards a rectum will start to gag since semi-solid matter produced during digestion will linger trapped both inside the opening and around the same, usually clinging on to strings of hair. That is if the owner hasn´t showered or changed clothing in a while.

Comes to the economy basically the same gagging experience is present when looking at how our Masters of despair refuse to acknowledge the smelly reality they themselves have created and instead of taking that cleansing shower every day they hold on to old beliefs that a bath should only be taken once a year, preferably together with others in the same set of water. Shower is unheard of. Also its better to print more scented paper rather than to make a change (clothes). That brownish landing strip ignored.

Coincidently this will lead to (in a near future) rusty appliances forcefully penetrating, without lubrication, a bent-over general public. No jobs, no money, riots everywhere, marshal law imposed, more wars, hellish surveillance increased, totalitarianism on the rise and fascists on the streets.
So if you don´t smell it now, you certainly will soon.

That’s where we´re heading folks, and it will happen because you bought the idea of scented paper.

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