Friday, February 4, 2011

You are going to die! Part XXXVI

I want to have sex with Sarah Fucking Palin

We all know by now that terrorists are hiding behind every bush, hiding behind every corner and lurk behind every URL you visit. We also know terrorism is synonym with Islam and that all Muslims want to rape our daughters and kill us all. And we know that each year soooo many people die from terrorism that it’s the second biggest killer of mankind after McDonald’s. Finally we also know that terrorism is a totally new idea invented just minutes ago by the Muslim terrorist group Alky Aida.

In the U.S. the fear of Islamic fundamentalists is growing exponentially for each day that passes, and horrible numbers prove them correct. According to FBI between 1980-2005 a whopping 6% of all terrorism in America was performed by Islamic idiots. We can of course ignore Latinos (42%) and extreme left wing groups (29%) that also had a finger in the game, and we should definitely totally absolutely forget about Jewish extremists (7%...)...

So as you can see it should be apparent to all that Muslims are the biggest threat to America.

How do these people practise their job? Is there an internship program? And what the hell do the instructor tell them? I will only show you this one time...

Twin Towers you say? Well, even if that would happen each year it would still not measure up to horrible things such as smoking, drinking, drugs, or dying from old age. But even less sinister ways of pushing up daises surpasses that attack. Here we can mention jail-walking, bees, and animal attacks. Each year a dozen or so people die from dog attacks, several others die from bears, sharks, bulls and so on. The main murderer of U.S. citizens among the larger animals however is the common deer. This sinister killer is roaming around the woods looking to do a kamikaze attack on unsuspecting and innocent humans and in no small numbers either. 1,5 millions of these attacks each year causes countless suffering and staggering amounts of insurance payouts and around 130-140 people dead per year. Even if they don’t succeed in all these reoccurring attacks, mainly thanks to human ingenuity building better cars, the ‘Cervidae’ is still a very dangerous animal. This beast, fiendishly made popular by a cartoon, should not be underestimated and I cannot believe we have not yet devised a final solution for this menace.

Am I trivializing the 9/11 attacks? Am sorry, the 2,976 or so Americans who died in 2001 are of course much more important than the couple of millions killed Muslims and the ten thousand or so American soldiers that have died invading a couple of countries that HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! And if we are to believe the statistics, the Deer have since 2001 killed more Americans than those Saudis did on orders from another Saudi (if the official story is correct), which is course leads me to believe the American military would be better off on their home soil shooting cute bambis´ rather than invading Iraq, Afghanistan, raping, committing war crimes and whatever else they are doing.

A 7ft tall rich guy with a liver disease hiding among his tiny and poor 5ft healthy companions may be hard to find, but the U.S. state department always have new warnings to hand out - new terrorists to watch out for. On 3rd of October 2010 they issued a warning about travelling to Europe. U.S. citizens were told to "take every precaution to be aware of their surroundings and to adopt appropriate safety measures to protect themselves when traveling.” The State Department didn´t really tell people not to go to Europe (which is one single country in the heads of all Americans) but with phrasing like the one above they did make it sound like it was a death sentence only thinking about going across the pond.

And speaking of Europe, 1500 people die yearly and 15000 get injured each year by fires in furniture stopping. Just FYI.

Terrorists however kill a hundred or two hundred each year, Islamic fundamentalists is even more active in Europe than in the states with a magnificent 0.4% of the attacks under their belt. Leftie extremists and separatist movements are the big ones… (but uhhh-UH-tchush!, don´t mention that)

Another FYI; a majority of all terrorist attacks occur in Muslim countries carried out by separatists, religious nuts and shoe-repair folk gotten tired of the odor that is synonym with living in a hot desert.

Terrorist may kill you, no doubt about that. But the likelihood for it is very slim; getting killed by an Islamic extremist is even slimmer, at least it was before the American war machine went out slaughtering Muslim families and butchering Arabic children. Today the likelihood is slightly bigger, and the risk of weapons of mass destruction being used in Europe to revenge all the dead have gone from 0.0000000001% chance to “duh, I really hope so”.

But if I was you I would look out for horrible things such as water (that kills 150 000 people worldwide each year! Anti-water Special Forces!? ), old age or that car coming down the road. If you don´t watch out something may kill you one day…

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